She Should Be Mine
by Kaiser Ryouga II
Summary: April relents over her feelings for Dizzy. (Shoujo-ai)


Wow...  
  
Man...I'm such a ditz. I mean really...why did I...why was I so stupid? Why did I let myself...fall for her?   
  
I look at her sometimes and I just think to myself:   
  
'How could I have missed it?'  
  
It's not like she's an open person but I still should have seen it. Every time I look in her eyes, I see what they really want. And I'm surprised that she doesn't see what I want.   
  
I want her.   
  
Wow...where do I even begin to describe her? She's...she's just so gorgeous. Every time I look at her body I'm surprised I don't get jealous. She just has this way of getting to me. Sometimes I see her standing on her own when we land to pick up fuel. She just stands there, her long sea blue hair waving in the breeze.  
  
And I get chills down my spine when I see this. These chills also have a tendency to be followed by a throbbing ache between my legs.   
  
I never really look at her like that often though. Just at the times when the frustration inside me builds up a notch. But whether feel it or not...she is disturbingly sexy. Not many people are as eye-catching as she is. A lot of people would be freaked out by her wings and her tail...but not me. I wonder why...? It's just something about her.  
  
She's got all these qualities that form one whole. And that whole just sucks you in, y'know? Like a vacuum. I...I can't explain it, but...when I see her walking around the ship, cooking with June or having fun with May, I'm overcome with this attraction to her. She can be so natural...so charming, and yet she doesn't even know it. That shy expression of hers just adds to her mystique.  
  
When it's put like that, I suppose it's no wonder I feel the way I do. I guess I'm just a sucker for her innocent, oblivious little seductions...  
  
I love you, Dizzy.  
  
Whoa...I think that's the first time I've ever admitted that to myself. How I feel about her. But it is true. I have been lost in Dizzy's eyes ever since she was first brought on the ship.   
  
It just took me a while to realize it.   
  
It surprises me that I remember that day so well. I was with June and some of the other girls, up at the bridge. Johnny and May had left the ship to hunt down some Gear that was somehow able to function. Johnny said that he just wanted the bounty on its head, and May secretly wanted the money to buy Johnny a present. Not a present from her as a crewmember or a friend, but as a 'woman'.   
  
Needless to say, her plan didn't quite work out like that...  
  
Instead of returning to the ship with 500,000 world dollars, Johnny and May came back with the self-reliant Gear.   
  
Her name was Dizzy.   
  
Everyone, including me, was shocked by Johnny's decision. He maybe captain, but he has made his fair share of mistakes in the past. And I'm ashamed to say that I thought that bringing a Gear onto the ship was one of them. I mean you can't blame me, can you? Not only was she a Gear, but she was a Gear that could fully operate. Johnny told me that Gears couldn't work anymore because their commander was dead. Yet bang, here was this girl, moving around without any problems whatsoever. Not only that, but she was attracting a lot of attention in the public. That was something we didn't need. We are pirates after all. Having a Gear of so much importance would blow our cover eventually.   
  
But...those were my old feelings. And they didn't last long.   
  
I think everyone was a little afraid of Dizzy from the start. Aside from May and Johnny, no one was really comfortable around her, especially the older girls. But over time, we all warmed up to her. Aside from me. I was still afraid.  
  
Until one day...  
  
The ship had crashed into something, we really had no idea what it was, but it did some damage. Johnny ordered the landing of the May ship, then he and a few of the crew, made repairs to the wing that had been damaged.   
  
I'm not a mechanic, so I didn't bother to concern myself with details. We had landed on a range of mountains, and May wanted to explore a bit. Just as usual, May made Dizzy tag along, but I also decided to join them. I guess at the time, I just needed to set my feet on the ground to think straight. So the three of us left to check out these mountains.   
  
May was well into it, and Dizzy kept reminding her that Johnny told us not to stray too far from the ship. As for me...I really couldn't focus on what either of them was saying. Something had been niggling at me. I didn't know what but...something was bothering me that day. And whenever I looked at Dizzy...I felt it again, but stronger. I was so confused.   
  
But then...I saw Dizzy kneeling down for some reason. May questioned her about it, but Dizzy didn't say anything about it. Then two cuddly little furry animals ran up to her, nuzzling themselves into her lap.   
  
And Dizzy gave out the cutest of laughs. And I looked at her. Really looked at her. She was so innocent. So shy, so calm. There was nothing about her that was a danger. And at that point, I realized that Dizzy wasn't like any other person I had met before...  
  
She was special.  
  
And from then I realized, that I had feelings for her. I could tell instantly that I did. Even at the times I didn't trust her...I couldn't stop thinking about how hot she was. I'm not like May. Looks aren't as important to me as they are to her...but even I could not ignore how beautiful Dizzy was.   
  
And from then on...Dizzy had stolen my heart.   
  
But...unfortunately for me...Dizzy already had someone who she loved. Someone who meant more to her then I did.   
  
May.   
  
Now when I think about it in my head, it makes sense in a weird sort of way. May was the closest friend Dizzy had on the ship. Those two were always together, like long lost buddies. They do everything together, even if there are alone in doing it.   
  
They had formed a connection that I wasn't going to be able to understand in a million years. But, May sees their friendship for what it is, a friendship.   
  
I don't think I need to explain why...  
  
May is infatuated with Johnny. Any kind of decision she makes will revolve around the captain. What he likes, what he doesn't like, how much of something he likes. In May's eyes, Johnny outweighs the whole world.   
  
And it's because of this, that May cannot see how much Dizzy loves her.   
  
But I don't blame May for being so naïve. Even though her love for Johnny borders on an obsession, she really does care for him. I think Dizzy sees this as well. That is probably why Dizzy keeps her feelings for May bottled up. She'd rather have May as a friend than risk their friendship over the unlikely chance she'll strike gold in May's heart.   
  
But what the heck is my excuse?  
  
I have never even talked to Dizzy about the feelings I hold for her. I know she'd be supportive, she is far too nice to hold my feelings to scorn, but at the same time, I know my love won't be returned.  
  
She loves May, not me.   
  
And...even though it's not her fault, I cannot help but feel envious of the power May has over Dizzy. She would do anything for May, I'm sure of it. Dizzy shows a lot of devotion to the rest of the crew as well, but May is very significant to her. May just shines above most in Dizzy's eyes.   
  
Maybe Dizzy values May as much as May values Johnny.  
  
But where does that leave me?   
  
The fact that I don't have any place in the triangle is the real heavy hitter. I get depressed whenever I think about my Dizzy situation. Which is why the whole crew thinks I've been moping lately.   
  
So here I sit, at the lovable cafeteria of the Ship, with Dizzy and May, eating our lunches at our usual table. While Dizzy and May chat amongst themselves, I just play with my food, dipping my fork in and out of it. I never feel hungry these days. Not really.   
  
I try my hardest to keep my depression away from the others because it just draws more attention to me, but I seem to be doing a lousy job at it. Because both Dizzy and May stare at me with twin looks of concern.   
  
But May is the first to act on them. "April...are you okay? You look kinda tired. Are you?"  
  
I am actually. I don't get a lot of sleep either. Which is a shame because they always involve a certain Gear and me. But, she a little more confident and a little more...experienced.   
But...I can't put any value in a dream. If it isn't real then it isn't what I want.   
  
Uh oh. I guess I should say something back. "Um...I'm okay, May. You really shouldn't worry about me."  
  
The look on May's face rivals confusion. "Well heck, girl I always worry about my friends! And with a face like that...well..."  
  
Man, I know May means well, but...   
  
"A face like that?" I say sharply. "What the heck is that supposed to mean?"  
  
May throws her arms up in confusion and sweatdrops. "I didn't mean...What I meant to say is...I wasn't saying that...well...I...um..."  
  
I pay no real attention to May. She's so kind but right now she is the root of my problems. Then Dizzy looks at me with a heartfelt concern. She can read me like a book, even if she doesn't know how I feel about her. In some ways I like the way she worries about me. But then I feel guilty for making her worry.   
  
Especially when nothing can be done about it.   
  
"April," Her sweet elfin voice murmurs. "You do look tired. Maybe you should rest. May and I can take care of your duties today."  
  
I feel my heart throbbing when she looks at me like that. I can deny her nothing. Dizzy is so gentle. I'd move the stars to keep her safe.   
  
"Maybe you're right." I say, feigning tiredness. "Thanks, you guys."  
  
May nods at me in her usual upbeat way. "No probs, April. As long as you start acting like your normal self then take all the time you need."  
  
I briefly smile at the two of them, then stand up and make my way over to the exit of the cafeteria. I walk slowly, in an effort to make my act look convincing. After I'm out of sight, May and Dizzy continue to talk. And even from here I can see the flaming blush along Dizzy's cheeks. Yet May is not aware of it.   
  
I feel anger inside me. I know how immature it is to be jealous of my best friend, but I can't believe how clueless May is. And like a flash of lightning, I'm reminded of Dizzy's love for her.   
  
The tiniest of crystal dew drop tears trickle from my eyes. I'm surprised that I don't cry more often. But then I realize...that I don't need to. As I look at them, I see that Dizzy is happy.   
  
And my lips curl into a smile from seeing it. I love her...but she is happy as she is. And at the end of the day, that's all I really want.   
  
To see her happy.   
  
Even though she should be mine.   
  
*********  
  
THE END  
Kaiser's Afterthoughts  
----------------------  
  
* Sheez! That was a lot more depressing then I intended it to be. If I wanted to feel disheartened I would have read a Tomoyo/Sakura fic. Oh well, I hope everyone liked it.   
  
* I've got my original character mapped out and he's ready to go! All I need to do is plan out a storyboard and we're off!   
  
* I'm not going to continue this; I like it where it is. 


End file.
